Vortex Wars

I'd like for you all to add to my list of favorite insults!
Just post an insult below and if I like it I'll add it to my list!

Here's mine
1. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
2. If assholes could fly this place would be an airport.
3. Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother was.
4. You occasionally stumble over the truth, but you quickly pick yourself up and carry on as if nothing happened.
5. You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.

And here are yours!

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!

That's... amazing.

You must have been born on the highway... that's where most accidents happen.

Autum, if I wanted your opinion I would of given it to you!

Your family tree is a cactus, cause everyone on it is a prick.

And... I'd rather save the others for the next jerks who come to our forums.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable -- like a coma.

Your face looks like it caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.

You're as useless as a screen door on a submarine.